Josh Brooks
Thank you master for letting us slaves choose between you and your brother. We all know that those who don’t vote can’t complain about their enslavement. In fact, slaves that don’t vote are just being bad slaves. We realize that slaving is hard work and both you and your brother can’t be master at the same time. You need a break to go engage in acts of debauchery once in awhile. So master, we were wondering if you could beat us a little less in your next term(tax cuts) we are ok with a little beating to make sure we are good slaves but maybe a little less? Also, the house slave eats more food than us field slaves. We want to vote for the master who beats up the house slaves more and give us some of his food rations. Also, we know the masters make deals with the house slave to ensure only a small amount of slaves get to be house slaves. We will vote on the master who keeps these very important deals going and makes sure that these deals involved beating the house slave once in awhile and giving us his rations. By the way, we don’t like the slaves next door. They are brown and we want to kill them. Oh please master can you send us field slaves off to die and kill the nasty slaves next door. They have a really bad master not like our masters, who are the best masters in the whole wide farm. Why else would out children pledge allegiance to the masters of the united farms of America? We don’t like the libertarian slaves who keep talking about how we can survive without the masters in the first place. I mine c’mon, we all know that without the masters we would be raping and killing each other within seconds. So yes vote or die for your master because, everyone knows, we can always overthrow the master and install me as a new and better master.
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